Closing a Chapter

Before I begin I just want to say my husband gave full approval to blog about this. 🙂 

Today we are closing a chapter in our life together- the “having another baby”chapter. When we got married we wanted to have kids, but didn’t expect to get pregnant so shortly after being married. We were still in our late 20’s and still trying to become established in our careers. He was not planned at all but as always everything worked out how it should have. We knew we wanted one more but I went through a career change and I wanted to grow more in my career before I had another. We went back and forth ALL the time with the debate of having another child. I am an only child and did not want Chandler to be an only child. However as he grew older I thought if I had another they wouldn’t be close anyway. Chandler was such a good baby, almost too good, and we were getting to the point where it was so easy with him. Life seemed pretty awesome as a family of three!

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But there was this aching feeling in my heart to have another child. I just didn’t feel like our family was complete yet. I kinda thought I would have another boy and I loved the idea of two boys. But when I first found out I was having a boy for my second child I got a lot of “you still have to try for that girl” and “third time is a charm”. It actually upset me because I was completely okay with having two boys and even then knew I didn’t want to try for a girl. I was more worried about if I could ever love another boy like I love Chandler. I think every single parent goes through that when they are pregnant with their second child. Then it happened, I had Hudson and our family was whole. They are almost 4 years in age difference and it couldn’t be more perfect for us!

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But we are ready to close the baby chapter. I just love them when they are so tiny and cute but I also just love them as they develop into their own little people. It was not a hard decision for us- we talked about it for a few months and in the fall at my check up my Doctor told me that I could no longer be on the form of birth control I am on now due to medical reasons that could cause me to need a hysterectomy. He said if we are REALLY done having children my husband or I should think about taking a more permanent approach at birth control. It was a pretty easy decision after that. We covered all of our bases and I was extremely concerned with making sure Justin was 100% on board for not having anymore kids even if something tragic were to happen to me. This couldn’t be a one-way decision or a decision that would cause any resentment later in life.

As much as we both want this, it is still a little bittersweet for me. Even though I am a Mom of two I feel like for some reason I’m losing a part of me today- part of being a woman and a new Mom. It’s a strange feeling and I can’t really put it in words. Everything we do with Hudson really is the LAST time we will do it. I think I have tried to cherish him as a baby even more because we know we won’t have these moments again. My heart hurts a little but not because we are done having kids but because it’s saying goodbye to such a wonderful chapter in our lives.

On the other hand, we are ready to enjoy being a family of 4 more! Hudson is almost 2, we don’t have baby gates all over in our house anymore, in less than a year we will be out of diapers, and everything is starting to get easier with him. Justin and I love to travel and we really put that on hold while I was pregnant with Hudson and for the first year because traveling with a baby is hard. We have big family trips in mind for the next few years and we want to be able to show our boys the world. We are putting the baby stage behind us and looking forward to every other stage coming up(except maybe when they are teenagers)..just kidding!

Justin is truly the best Father and a great husband. I decided as a joke to get him his own “push present”(even though lets be honest, a 20 minute procedure does NOT AT ALL compare to 18 months of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and everything else that comes with it) but still I knew that he was doing this for us and I wanted him to know how much I loved him for it. So I got him a new watch to represent that it is the right time for this in our lives.

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Here’s to raising only two boys and being SO blessed and happy with that!

XOXO

-Jess

 

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